Birth mom issues AKA Baby Mama Drama, tell us about it!

There is no doubt that two’s company and three’s a crowd. Especially in a blended family, because two could multiply to four or six… Let’s face it, being a stepparent in a blended family is even more challenged when the BM (or BD) is consistently involved. Don’t get me wrong, that is a terrific thing. Terrific! However, often that birth parent will be butting heads with you and your spouse or any number of combinations on several different issues. For some, you and the BM may agree but your spouse is not “on board”. In extreme blended families, the birthparent may not even be involved in the picture but on their terms- occasionally throughout the year. Its selfish, its unfair, and it has a terrible affect on the kids. Stepparents feel like their stepchildren are actually their children while uninterrupted in their parenting role, but as soon as the BM (or BD) reenters the picture for a whirlwind visit, phone call, or even custody battle- all stepparent’s (perceived) rights, their rules, expectations, and appreciation are overshadowed because this is, in fact, the birth parent . As a stepparent we respect that but when we are treated as “non-factors” in relations to our stepchildren it can create a whole mess of problems. This can cause resentment, anger, rejection, and other aversive feelings in the stepparent. The children are already struggling with the loyalty issue- they know you take care of them, as the stepparent but they also know that they want the love and attention of the birthparent far more than they want your approval. In their mind, you could come and go but their birth parent will always be their “mom” or “dad”. Just something to consider the next time the “baby mama drama” begins. I have a few thoughts on how to deal with the other birthparent as a stepparent. Stay tuned…